Orange.

The weather is changing quickly.
My neighborhood is always nice around this time. The big parks are doused in orange, yellow and brown leaves. I like Autumn and all but me and Winter sometimes have a hard time getting along. Autumn always brings bitchy old Winter around. We fight a lot. It spits at me and blows me about--then I yell like a banshee and sulk my soggy boots inside where I can hide. Can't get me when I'm in bed. Cold ass bitch. See if you can ruin my wool coat now.

October is cool though. I like putting my hands into pumpkins and feeling the hairs mixed with seeds and juices. Even though it's usually too cold and my hands go numb- I still enjoy it. I think stabbing and cutting a pumpkin is morbid in a sincere and naive way. The way when you push the knife in and use a strange strength. The way you saw out the shape of triangles making hard edges and re-stabbing for harder angles. The way you can pull back the knife and get orange hairy veins from inside the treasure cove of vibrant color that has never existed in the light. I remember hearing the cracking noise of pumpkin and pavement once. It vibrates in a mysterious and fantastic way.
October is also great because it gives me occasions to dress ludicrously and act slightly more ridiculous than normal. This is my last and only October as a 20 year old, it's the beginning of an era I guess. It's weird to think that existence for me began two decades ago. Consciousness and the world didn't exist before that. Not in me anyway.
It's weirder to think that years from now my consciousness will cease again, the world will disappear into the nothing that it came from and my life will wash away with the future.

Harumph.

-L